MAUREEN THE TRAVEL INDUSTRY’S FAVOURITE COLUMNIST
Matches made in heaven
I’m pretty sure that the cassocks
of our local bell ringers are hiding
some pretty ripped bodies and
bulging biceps right now, given
the amount of action they’ve had
over the past couple of weeks. June
certainly has been a busy month on
the matrimonial front. Claire from
our Frome offi ce and Kirsty, our
new part-timer, both got married
on the same weekend, while Penny
ties the knot on the fourth of July
(she’s chosen Independence Day
specifi cally, because she enjoys a
little irony).
The air has been fi lled with
romance, excitement and not a little
stress as the girls have made their
fi nal preparations, and it has been
fun to watch their special days come
together. Now it just remains for
Penny to be married off and we’ll be
looking around for the next victim!
If her wedding is as good as the
reports of her hen day, then we are all
in for a treat. Unfortunately, because
somebody had to man the offi ce, I
was unable to join the party of hens
who left Gillingham for Ascot early
one morning, elegantly attired in
posh frocks and fascinators ready
for their day at the races, but I have
enjoyed the anecdotes.
It seems that the day started with
a champagne breakfast, which put
the girls in the right mood – after all,
it takes a little Dutch courage for a
girl to part with her money with no
shoes or handbag to show for it –
and it ended with enough winnings
to pay for more champagne, to
console those whose nags came in
last. Penny, as the ‘mother hen’ was
tasked with rounding up her chicks,
who’d managed to fi nd their way into
the Royal Enclosure. Fortunately she
had, by this time, changed out of the
clothing in which she’d been dressed
by her friends earlier in the day;
I can’t see the offi cials turning a blind
MAUREEN
…the number one blunder belonged to those who
insist on sporting Speedos. Yes, the old ‘budgie
smugglers’ topped the list of people’s least
favourite beach apparel…
22 | Travel Weekly | July 3 2009
eye to large pink bloomers,
blue tights and a nightdress,
given the stringent new dress
code for ladies. Apparently, one
old chap even volunteered to help
her on with her pink garter, and
she’d had enough bubbly to agree
to let him.
And as for the ‘something old,
something new and something
borrowed,’ well, all I’ll say is that
she drew a crowd…
I wish all our Travel Angels
heavenly honeymoons and hope
their marriages are long and blissful.
Brits love Borat beachwear
Penny confessed that she had rather
liked her voluminous bloomers, and
I got to wondering whether or not
they might make a fetching bathing
costume of the type depicted in all
those saucy seaside cartoons. A
recent survey suggests that they’d
be in good company among other
‘swimwear blunders’.
Research undertaken by sunshine.
co.uk, has revealed that the number
one blunder belonged to those who
insist on sporting Speedos, with the
French the biggest culprits – one
in three Frenchmen owns a pair,
apparently. Yes, the old ‘budgie
smugglers’ topped the list of people’s
least favourite beach apparel, with
31% of respondents rating them as
decidedly not the thing. I think this is
a bit harsh, myself. On the right chap
with a good wax and fi rm thighs,
they don’t look half bad.
The birthday suit followed in
second place, with one in fi ve
Germans admitting to indulging
in a little nude sunbathing. Again,
a good wax, a workout and a little
polish could help no end. I guess
birthday suits are much like any
others; the tailor-made Savile Row
treat is a rarity, while a £19 one from
Asda is more common, and you can
forget about fi t!
Listed among other seaside fashion
mistakes was the mankini, with Brits
the most likely to sport this. Instead
of taking the lead from the buff and
chiselled Daniel Craig, British men are
choosing to follow Borat, presumably
because somebody once told them
the way to win a girl’s heart was to
make her laugh.
Respondents also complained
about animal prints and Peter
Stringfellow-style thongs. All of
which leads me to believe that we
should never have ridiculed David
Beckham when he took to wearing
his sarong. He was just showing a
little sensitivity, surely, recognising
that some of us could do without the
distraction of assessing whether or
not a gent should have bought the
next size up, or indeed down, when
he purchased that micro swimbrief.
The key question to ask yourself
when it comes to baring the fl esh
is ‘would it upset my mother?’. Of
course, the answer will depend on
your mother, but you can count on
her to be honest.
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels
in Gillingham, Dorset
www.travelweekly.co.uk
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